Spiral of Life

12:00 a.m or p.m

2006-01-13T15:41:00.001-08:00

I feel I am living on the line that divides time, that divides me and you, and that which divides people and places. I feel I have tied myself in a web of bindings and boundaries.
Where am I today? Probably, somewhere between the beginning and the end, between the real and my imagination, between life that breathes and death that lay still. Stone tryinng to ooze out of its domain to flow as water, glass trying to mirror the transparency of air. Will time pause? Will the beginning meet the end?

Sunrise...

2005-12-08T17:37:00.000-08:00

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SUNRISE (Norah Jones)

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A trickle of wishes on life...

2005-11-29T11:02:00.000-08:00

A thousand brilliant beauties filled the garden;
There were violets and musk-scented roses.
The stream was not those drops that trickled slow,
A mere excuse: He was himself the flow.
-Rumi

Is Happiness an Illusion?

2005-11-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

I often find myself wander to find answers to life's primary questions- Who am I? What do I believe? How can I be happy?

Like everybody else I, too, wish to be happy. Sometimes my friend tells me, ' you have all that anyone can wish for. You have good family, good friends. What else do you need to be happy?' True. Inspite of having all that, I find myself to be restlessly pursuing happiness. And the pursuit only becomes more painful at the possibilities that I might be looking for it where it was never found, or will be found.

There was a time, when the world in which I grew up, and the world of my dreams made me believe that I only have to wait for certain events to happen in my life, or wait to meet certain people or that 'special one', and that would be the threshold to a 'beautiful' world where life offers security and warmth, and purpose to life.

As I grow up with experiences, I only realise that this belief is so much like the grandmother's fairy tales. Society ends Cinderella's story by saying, 'she happily lived ever after with the prince.' But I now know, Cinderella's story begins where society ended it. I now know, the road that everyone believes to be the road to happiness, may not be part of my journey to happiness.

I now know, happiness is not a destination but a journey. Its fulfillment lies in small moments, which at times can go unnoticed. Contentment is the road to happiness. I no longer wish to be scared of outcomes, and deprive myself of moments that I have today. What will be, will be. Today I am happy.

"The experience of desire is self-fulfilling. It allows happiness now. It permits a sense of well-being, of okay-ness. It simply acknowledges, "more would be welcome. This is the more that I welcome."

The Dollmaker...

2005-11-18T14:58:00.000-08:00

I read this story, and would love to share it with you. We always wish or try to be what we are not, and that may not be the best for us.

Once upon a time in a far-away place lived a kindly old dollmaker. He had spent his goodly long life creating dolls of all sorts, making all the little girls in the world happy.

He had kept up in the trends of the world and made dolls that say "mama", that cry, that stand up by themselves, and that even wink at you. But our dollmaker was very wise. He knew that his time for special contribution was growing short. So, with special resolve in his heart, he made his most beautiful creation. He gave her brown curls, which he personally felt had the most beauty in their long tresses. He gave her the bluest of blue eyes, into which he put the promises of eternity and into which one could gaze forever.

This special doll was given long legs with which she could dance, run and play, and occasionally even walk a second mile. He gave her beautiful hands to work and serve with and teach all the other dolls. Her fingers were long and slender. With these, the old man hoped she would comfort those around her. She had a beautiful face and he planned this so that she could see the beauty in others. He dressed her in a gown as shimmery as gossamer, and on the last day when she was completed, he lifted her up with great care and set her gently in front of a large mirror.

"What do you think little doll?" he asked "Are you not the most beautiful doll in the world?" The doll looked through her long lashes full of excited anticipation. Suddenly her pretty face clouded up and then stormed over. "Oh dollmaker, I hate brown hair and I have always longed for green eyes. These are not the colors I'd have chosen for myself. And look how gangly and long my legs are! How large my feet are! How unfashionable they will seem to the world. My gown is really very ordinary. Oh dollmaker, I am not a beautiful doll at all!"

In pursuit of triviality or more...

2005-11-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

I am spending a lot of time by myself these days, though not out of choice.

The meanderings of thoughts take me into realms of my existence, some of them that I am aware of, and some that are new. I seem to be digging into layers, seeking logical reasons for the events that have occured in my life, or are occuring.

I woke up this morning, with a question- what am I pursuing? What is everyone pursuing? Am I trying to live the life of my dreams, or am I just living?

Ten years ago what seemed to be meaningful purpose to life, today seems to mean nothing. Does time dilute the preciousness of thoughts and their purpose? Or is it just the thought that is precious, and not its pursuit?

We have surrounded ourselves with things that we think make us happy. But then why are we not? What is lacking? What is the purpose to life that will carry a meaning till the end?

I am reminded of lines from Shakespeare's 'Alls well that ends well',

'They say miracles are past; and we have our
philosophical persons, to make modern and familiar,
things supernatural and causeless. Hence is it that
we make trifles of terrors, ensconcing ourselves
into seeming knowledge, when we should submit
ourselves to an unknown fear.'

A single cloud in clear blue sky wanders...

2005-11-16T13:11:00.001-08:00

Am I just a part of the large cloud of ignorance and aimlessness, floating like every other?

At the moment I was born, I possessed nothing- just some reflexes, and a few trivial emotions. And in essence that is all I am, nothing significant has been added or will be added in the entire lifetime.

Is all human situation meaningless and absurd- its meaning indecipherable and our place within it without purpose?

You or I...

2005-11-16T13:03:00.000-08:00

I'm not me, you're not you, and you're not me;

And yet I'm me, you're you, and you are me.
Beauty of Khotan, I am this because of you:
Confused if I am you, or you are me.

-Rumi.

Spiral of Life?

2005-10-05T12:35:00.000-07:00

For long I lived under the lip of insanity.

Looking for reasons,

I knocked the door.

The door opened.

I was knocking from inside.

-Rumi